haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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