sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
