remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
honey bunches of taint.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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