Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
