Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
