YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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