i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
