Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
