You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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