I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
