That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
