omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
