I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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