I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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