margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
