I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
ttyl tear gas
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
