I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
