Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
