What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
