are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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