I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
