Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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