so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
