She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
