I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
