Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
