It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize