Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
