you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
