All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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