I want to make a zoo with you.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
