Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she pinky promised me she was 18
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
