So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
