maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
