It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I look better un-naked...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
