After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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