My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize