On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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