Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
