So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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