yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
