So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
