He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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