just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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