He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
