I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
