oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
