The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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