whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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