Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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