i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
