my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
