Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
