guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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