I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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