the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
