3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
