i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
