I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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