the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
