So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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