I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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