one two three fourrrrnication!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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