So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
