her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
