and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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