The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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