Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Randomize