Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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