dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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