i already hear my dad disowning me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize