Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
