My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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