Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Two words: blizzard sex
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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