If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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