stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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