At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize