He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
