never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
