i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
