you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
