we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
