let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
