YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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