Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
