Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
