Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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