why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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