He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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