Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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