wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize