Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
