Pappa wants mamma naked
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
