so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Randomize